Bad writing

In The Miami Herald here ("Wall of saltwater snaking up South Florida’s coast") (??). The Herald never used to be so bad. Let's begin with the first ("lede") paragraph:

South Florida’s lakes, marshes and rivers pump fresh, crystal clear water across the state like veins carry blood through the body.

I see a few things wrong here. First, I can only assume the writer means the water is being "pumped" in the direction of the coasts, and not in the opposite direction, since "across the state" can mean either way. (South Florida's lakes, marshes and rivers ultimately drain into the ground, creating aquifers, and into the ocean.) Also, "like" is used for comparing nouns; "as" for verbs. Hearts and arteries pump; veins do not. And as probably most schoolchildren know, arteries carry fresh blood through the body, not veins, which carry deoxygenated blood back from the body to the heart.

Two more sentences:

The USGS reports that sea level in southern Florida is currently rising by three quarters of a foot every century. As ocean levels splashes higher along beaches and canals, saltwater may keep inching inland.

Shouldn't it be "the sea level" or "sea levels . . . are"? And "ocean levels splash"? (And saltwater will definitely keep inching inland if the sea level is rising, unless we built a wall around the state.) How about this one:

Despite thick greenery, there isn’t a single sprinkler.

Despite means "in spite of" or "regardless of." This preposition generally carries a negative connotation, which I don't think the writer is intending to convey here. (The first example in Merriam-Webster's is "played despite an injury.") (And "spite" itself means "petty ill will or hatred with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart.") How about "And amidst all the thick greenery"?

And this one:

He curated his garden over the past 20 years so he does not need to use tap water.

I googled "curate the garden" and got only two pages of hits. Gardens are usually cultivated or tended. ("Tend the garden" got 55 pages of hits. "Cultivate the garden" got 50 pages.) And "so he does not need to use tap water" should be amended to something like "so as not to rely on tap water."

Also, the caption on the above photo (also written by this writer) reads: "Hallandale Beach City Commissioner Keith London points to his Staghorn fern as one of the plants that require little to no water in South Florida's climate." This is not true. No living plant requires no water. A staghorn hanging in a tree, however, may not require much watering, since it gets rained on.

There's more wrong with the article. The headline itself is puzzling - and this is the top headline on the Herald's website today - but I'm moving on. It was fun. (I often will read an article, or at least look at it, when the headline makes no sense, as is the case here.) (So maybe they're doing it on purpose.) (Not.)