Thursday, January 19, 2012

Thursday night strictly personal

Well, that f***er never called me, even after I'd left a couple of messages (he either had the phone off or was refusing to take my calls). (At any rate, he was incommunicado.) Finally it was going on 2:00 and I left him one last, nasty message and finally made it to bed.

This morning he called me at work and I asked him what he did last night. He said he'd gone out with a woman friend, then came home, took 3 Valerians, and went to bed. (I don't mind if he goes out on his night off and gets toasted, but why no call at some point, or why not answer the phone?)

I was furious that he hadn't called me (or taken my calls) (though this happened a couple of months ago, also, again on his night off).  (Then I got so upset that I stayed up too late and called in sick at work the next day.) (Even my supervisor asked whether everything was OK with E., and I said yes.) Meanwhile he's called me every night since (or at least I've called him and he's answered his phone). I stewed over this for a few hours today and then called him from a phone in an empty conference room (for privacy, closing the door first). I told him that he hurt me last night by not calling and that "the damage is done." He said something like "fine" and that he didn't appreciate the nasty message. And we hung up on each other. Guess what. No more phone calls from me at all. (Maybe he'll apologize, maybe not. Even if he does, will he not do it again? I don't trust him.) (I'm no psychologist, but maybe this is some kind of subconscious passage-aggressive behavior telling me he doesn't really give a shit.)

Thank G*d he doesn't live here anymore and I'm not waiting up for him to come home at night. Well, no more waiting for his calls, either. I'm over it.

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On a more positive note, I was at the doctor's today to get blood test results. Very good ones.  E.g., I hadn't even fasted, and yet my triglycerides were only 168 (upper normal limit is 149). Cholesterol was 233 (upper normal is 199), but that's because the good cholesterol was so high (76) (the normal range is above 39). Doctor said I have nothing to worry about. Free testosterone was 14.0 (normal is between 7.2 and 24.0). He said that was a perfect result for me. Liver enzymes, etc. all fine.

(E. knew I was going to the doctor's today and had given me a "pep talk." I wonder if he'll call to see how things went, since he'd acted so concerned.) ("Acted" may be just that.) (He should've been on Broadway.)

(I wonder if he'll miss calling me every night when he gets home from work and has taken his shower, since I'm not expecting or any more calls from him, either.)

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[Later] Did some major grocery-shopping tonight. Now it's time to chill.

[11:15 or so] E. just called and asked how the doctor's appointment went, etc. He also apologized repeatedly for not calling last night. (He said he was "f***ed up.") I asked him whether he was not answering my calls or whether he had the phone off, and he said it must have been off, since he had a bunch of messages on it this morning (not only from me). Hmmm. I don't know what to believe. (Maybe he doesn't remember.) But he said he was sorry he upset me. That's good enough, but I know not to trust him on his night off and will brace for it. (I kind of knew that already.)

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