Monday night personal

E. just called. Today's his day off. I'd called him before I left work and I could tell he was probably having beers (nothing wrong with that). But right now he just called, frantic, saying he had a puppy in his house and didn't know what to do. (He was obviously toasted.) He said the dog had been there an hour, and I told him to let her back outside (it's a she.) He kept saying, "What am I going to do?!" He carried on for 4-5 minutes. (He should never have let the dog into his apartment in the first place.) Then he said he was afraid she would get hit by a car, etc., etc. I told him the dog probably lived right around there and that she had to go home, that her owners were probably wondering where she was. E.'s never had his own place before and he'll have to learn: you don't get drunk and let a dog inside your place. (Also, the street outside is narrow and not busy.)

[A little later] The phone rang once at 11:20. It was E. I called back and left a message. (He'd said his phone was going dead.)

[Later - 11:30] E. called back. He'd let the dog back outside. (He said she belonged to someone with a place fronting the creek.) (Don't know how he knew that.) He was no longer frantic (but still emotional) and said he was going to bed. He said he had a good day off and that he wanted to see me (he knows I have to work this Sunday). I said Friday night/Saturday would be a good. (Didn't see each other this past weekend, with the condo meeting and all.) (So he hit the ball back in my court.) (BTW, I'm over the "incommunicado" episode from last Wednesday. I don't stay mad long.)

He said he's lonely sometimes living by himself now and had thought about keeping the puppy, him getting so much affection, etc. I told him to get a little bird that doesn't make a lot of noise (or damage), to hang in his sunny window outside the kitchen (with a creek view). (He used to have a lovebird that he loved - and lost.) (Long story.)

Sunday afternoon personal

This is the space they want to convert into offices. I just happened to run into one of the board members as I was taking the photos. He's acting like it's a done deal, but I said, this has to be approved by a majority of the owners - right? - and that I didn't vote for it. He said the reason there are no longer couches in the space is that homeless people were getting into the building and sleeping on them. (He said he had to run some of them out himself.) (He lives on that floor.) Which begs the question: How are homeless people getting into the building when we have security people 24 hours and cameras everywhere? Sounds like a failure of the security system and not a reason to reconfigure the space. The board member said there would be an office on one side and a conference room on the other, with glass construction. Hmmmm. We'll see about that.

Oh, and he called the area "a dead space." It's only "dead" because, as you see, they've stripped it bare.

This guy conducted the meeting yesterday morning, and he's not even the president. (The president sat there, listening.) He was talking about how we couldn't afford to revamp the gym because we're owed $95,000 in delinquent maintenance fees. But he didn't even talk about this project, much less how much it would cost to install glass walls and how we would pay for it. It's remarkable to see how he regards this project as a given, considering that a majority of the owners have to give the go-ahead for it. It would be against state law to ramrod this through without the owners' approval; otherwise the proposal would not have been put on a ballot. I'm just one vote against it and will have to live with the results, but this has to be done properly.

[Later] The more I think about things, like the story about the homeless sleeping on the couches (and thus the area on the 4th floor being emptied out), the fishier this all sounds.

Even later, I wrote an email to the president of the association, as follows:

Hi-

Today I ran into XXXXXXXX on the 4th floor.  He said the couches had been removed because homeless people were sleeping on them.  If this is true, how are homeless people getting into the building?  Sounds like a HUGE problem with our security.

(No answer back.)

Saturday night personal

Got up early (for a Saturday) and attended the condo association meeting this morning. Voted against turning a large, sunny common area off the pool deck into the manager's offices. They need a vote of a majority of the owners to carry this out. Let's see what they do. It appears they've already planned it. (The room is totally empty now, when it should be decorated as a sitting area.)

Friday nite late personal

Was back at gym tonight after a good nap with Lucky.

Have to attend the annual condo association meeting tomorrow at 10 a.m., so trying to go to bed a little earlier (but as you see, I'm still up pretty late).

E. called after he got home from work tonight, as normal (twice, which is usual, the second time after he'd watched "Nip/Tuck"). Both times, I thanked him for calling  - something I would never usually say, but after Wednesday night and his being incommunicado, I'm still wary. I hope he realizes that I'm putting a little distance between us, just to save myself from disappointment and, left's face it, hurt. (Damage was done.) (And apparently other people had also been concerned the other night and left messages on his phone, such as his own family.)

I'm not trying to dredge up the past here, but...

People mature and change (as I myself have) and it's a process. I can appreciate that, but meanwhile I have to keep my own life in balance, to the best of my ability.  Avoid static.

Thursday night strictly personal

Well, that f***er never called me, even after I'd left a couple of messages (he either had the phone off or was refusing to take my calls). (At any rate, he was incommunicado.) Finally it was going on 2:00 and I left him one last, nasty message and finally made it to bed.

This morning he called me at work and I asked him what he did last night. He said he'd gone out with a woman friend, then came home, took 3 Valerians, and went to bed. (I don't mind if he goes out on his night off and gets toasted, but why no call at some point, or why not answer the phone?)

I was furious that he hadn't called me (or taken my calls) (though this happened a couple of months ago, also, again on his night off).  (Then I got so upset that I stayed up too late and called in sick at work the next day.) (Even my supervisor asked whether everything was OK with E., and I said yes.) Meanwhile he's called me every night since (or at least I've called him and he's answered his phone). I stewed over this for a few hours today and then called him from a phone in an empty conference room (for privacy, closing the door first). I told him that he hurt me last night by not calling and that "the damage is done." He said something like "fine" and that he didn't appreciate the nasty message. And we hung up on each other. Guess what. No more phone calls from me at all. (Maybe he'll apologize, maybe not. Even if he does, will he not do it again? I don't trust him.) (I'm no psychologist, but maybe this is some kind of subconscious passage-aggressive behavior telling me he doesn't really give a shit.)

Thank G*d he doesn't live here anymore and I'm not waiting up for him to come home at night. Well, no more waiting for his calls, either. I'm over it.

*   *   *

On a more positive note, I was at the doctor's today to get blood test results. Very good ones.  E.g., I hadn't even fasted, and yet my triglycerides were only 168 (upper normal limit is 149). Cholesterol was 233 (upper normal is 199), but that's because the good cholesterol was so high (76) (the normal range is above 39). Doctor said I have nothing to worry about. Free testosterone was 14.0 (normal is between 7.2 and 24.0). He said that was a perfect result for me. Liver enzymes, etc. all fine.

(E. knew I was going to the doctor's today and had given me a "pep talk." I wonder if he'll call to see how things went, since he'd acted so concerned.) ("Acted" may be just that.) (He should've been on Broadway.)

(I wonder if he'll miss calling me every night when he gets home from work and has taken his shower, since I'm not expecting or any more calls from him, either.)

*   *   *

[Later] Did some major grocery-shopping tonight. Now it's time to chill.

[11:15 or so] E. just called and asked how the doctor's appointment went, etc. He also apologized repeatedly for not calling last night. (He said he was "f***ed up.") I asked him whether he was not answering my calls or whether he had the phone off, and he said it must have been off, since he had a bunch of messages on it this morning (not only from me). Hmmm. I don't know what to believe. (Maybe he doesn't remember.) But he said he was sorry he upset me. That's good enough, but I know not to trust him on his night off and will brace for it. (I kind of knew that already.)

Wednesday night personal

Walked to the gym tonight, then briefly stopped off at the grocery store and saved $10.05 on $24.10 of goodies (that I could carry home).  (Good stuff, too, that I needed.) Driving back to another Publix tomorrow night to do more shopping.

E. has tonight off from work and I've not heard from him. That's OK. He has his own place now and lives his own life, even though we're in close touch and spend time together. That's the best thing for him, since he's never lived by himself before and had the responsibilities that go with being on one's own. He's always lived at someone else's place and had to answer to that person.  He doesn't have to answer to anyone else now but himself and has to keep his life intact on his own (with help from his family and friends). I'm confident that he's able to do that.

MLK night personal

Had the day off from work.

Good weekend. After busy Saturday, yesterday I did nothing.